For Those of You Who Were Wondering..

I knew when I posted the last entry on this blog there would be an obvious question begging to be answered: Why are you and Greg spending so much time apart?  I neglected to expound for several reasons, the ultimate being that I had so many thoughts I wanted to express that it would have just taken away from the intended purpose of the post.  So for those of you who have not been "in the loop"... and that's not many of you, I will answer now.

The past few months have brought a great deal of introspection regarding the desired trajectory our family.  Certain very distinct, compelling feelings have caused us to re-evaluate our current course.  While we love this ranching lifestyle more than almost anything and seek to have it as ours until the day we die, it is a desire that is yearned to be attained no longer at the grace of others.  We have been so blessed to work for such wonderful, kind, and thoughtful people.  As our desire to attain land & more cattle of our own has increased, so has our desire to earn the credentials necessary to someday be able to make it a reality.  These feelings have been very scary to me in many ways.  I have been so happy and content with my life as a ranch wife... but I know that on our own- in our current position- it will be a very long and hard process to accumulate the means necesary to build a decent sized, sustainable herd.  So to make a long story fairly succinct, we have decided to go back to the "mother land"... back beyond the Zion curtain (I couldn't help but use that one... I laughed so hard when I heard it) to continue our educations and seek for admittance into Utah State University's Vet program.

So I have been here in Utah for a few weeks now getting Dani settled into her new school, finding a place to live, and returning back to my old job at Wilson Motor Co. in order to smooth the transition some.  Greg is in the thick of fall work on the ranch and will remain there for a few more weeks.   We have found a very cute house in Clarkston and will move as soon as Greg is done.

Coming to this conclusion in many ways tugs at my heart strings as I know moving back to Cache Valley will not afford as much of the horse & cow work... or the surrounding of the wide open range we so dearly love, but I truly feel it will be a sacrifice that will be well worth our time in the long run... and of course will allow so many other opportunities for my children.  Also, I cannot discount the value that close proximity to family brings to the equation.  If you're going to live in close proximity to people and go to school, Cache Valley is about as pretty a place as you can find.

Every time we have decided to move, which has been quite often in our near 14 years of marriage, I have admittedly been a bit self-conscious of the perceptions of others.  When we decided to make this move, however, I recalled a blog post I recently read and identified with completely, entitled "Dwelling in a Tent".  The author expresses her sadness at having left her beautiful home and how through that experience and through her study of the scriptures she was able to learn a great lesson.  I was so appreciative of the beautiul expressions she made because it seemed to be a complete echo to the song which has always been in my heart regarding the topic:

"As I re-read the story of Lehi and Sariah leaving Jerusalem I was really struck by this verse in 1 Nephi 2:15 in which Nephi simply states, "And my father dwelt in a tent." This verse is often used light heartily as the shortest verse in the Book of Mormon, yet this one little verse is packed full of meaning. It indicates that Nephi and his family had finally made a choice. They had officially given up their affluent, city dwelling, stable life style for the difficultly and uncertainty of being guided by the Lord in the desert. That couldn't have been an easy to choice to make, or an easy road to follow. Yet look at the incredible things that came as a result of that one choice!


I think what I am coming to learn, slowly, is that the Lord expects each of us to "dwell in a tent", in a figurative way. Even though ancient peoples often pitched their tents for long periods of time, tents (unlike houses) are not permanent structures and can (and were) taken down in order to move on to a richer part of land, escape conflict, or simply because the Lord commanded it. Today those who"dwell in a tent" are those whose hearts are open to the Lord and are are willing to go where He wants them to go-- instead of being tied down by their houses, their riches, or their desire for comfort. To truly be an instrument in the hands of the Lord, like Sarah and Abraham or Lehi and Sariah, we must be willing to leave everything behind if it is required of us and go where the Lord directs.

That is hard.

Really hard.

Yet Sarah did it.

And so did Sariah" 

I also identify with these women of the scriptures to some level.  I am not giving up affluence or a large estate, but I feel a sadness at leaving the ranching lifestyle that has  become part of my very being and the soothing to my soul.  Through these people's burdens of being led into the wilderness and their willingness to obey, came marvelous, beautiful blessings for generations to come.  The truth of the matter is that a house is simply a shell for all of our earthly belongings... simply a shelter from the elements and a place that is only made a home by the love of the family within it's walls.  We know it is not something we can take with us through to the next life... yet why do we struggle so deeply if the time comes to let it go?  And even more importantly... would we be WILLING to let it go if we felt the promptings to do something else?  We know that the only things we are able to take to the next life is our knowledge, talents, and our associations that have been made here on Earth.  I can testify that through my experience of having moved to many places, there has not been one place we have regretted.  The most difficult times of our lives were times that reaped eternal friendships and learning experiences of an invaluable nature.  Had I stayed in one place over these past 14 years, I know I would have missed out on many tender, merciful, and unforgettable blessings.  I am so grateful to have a husband who is true to himself, never swayed by the tide of earthly opinion.  When he feels a prompting, he obeys.  I know a time will come when we finally settle down somewhere... I've already mentioned it is a great desire we have.  However, I hope that once those things are attained, that I still remain willing to pack up my belongings, or simply leave them behind to journey into the wilderness if the prompting comes.  Abraham & Sarah did it.  Lehi & Sariah did it.  Look at the blessings they received.  We can do it too.