Free to Fire on All Cylinders

Once the adrenaline had finally subsided, I could not help but ponder the relevance of the occurrence that had just taken place.  As I thought of how easily things could have gone much differently in the preceding moments, my heart again began to race and I could not help but yield to the lump in my throat and the tears that so desperately were pushing their way to the surface.   I had just had what some people would consider a brush with danger and my mind continued to dissect the components of what had caused it.

My sister and brother-in-law had come to visit for the weekend, not only to finally see the ranch we had moved to a year ago, but to introduce us to our new little nephew and cousin, Connor, who was just barely a week old.  We had a lot of things going on at the ranch during that time, so it was a perfect opportunity for my bro-in-law, Mike, to get a horseback and help.  On one particular day, we had to make a couple different moves, but nothing too extensive or laborious.  I decided that it was the ideal day to try for the first time our young horse, Handy, who Greg had just broken this spring.  Part of me is always a bit trepidatious to be the first new rider on a young horse, but I had seen Greg ride & rope on him in a couple brandings, and he was doing beautifully.     

When I first mounted Handy, I was amazed at how soft in the face and body he already was and how much control I had of each of his feet.  He was extremely sensitive to both my reining and leg cues.  Greg has such a gift at bringing that out in his young horses, and he attributes much of it to the wonderful tool, the hackamore.  He starts the majority of his horses in one, completely bypassing the snaffle.  It's what works for him, and he gets incredible results.

Handy was a complete gentleman as we moved the first bunch of pairs through the meadows to their new pasture and I would got a kick out of how he would pin his ears and bite at any cow that wouldn't move away from him.  I was in heaven.... knowing that this was a horse I was going to enjoy a great deal.  The morning continued flawlessly.

We then headed down to the Upper Clover part of our ranch to put some yearlings & pairs that had broken into a neighboring pasture back to where they were supposed to be.  As we got everything gathered and walking out, two of the cowboys positioned themselves at the front to guide the herd to the gate while Mike and I worked way back at the drag.  Mike was enjoying the mare he was riding immensely and I could see his confidence building with each moment of the day as they obviously had formed a liking for one another.  He was truly becoming good help during our task.  I felt the same way about my mount and as one of the calves unfortunately broke back from the drag in a dead run, I decided to kick Handy up and see what he could do.  As we started to build up speed to get in front of the calf I felt Handy's nose start to push out and his back hollow out, so I bumped him back down to the speed of run I desired and collected him again.  We continued to follow the calf, and when it decided to run up into the next gear, Handy reacted...

All of the sudden, all cylinders were firing and the throttle had stuck.  We blew past the calf as if it were standing still and I had no controls.  No amount of bumping on the hackamore or trying to break him with my left spur was slowing him down, but rather he chose to brace up against it and run faster with each bump.  I knew at that moment I was NOT stopping him.  My only option was to try to direct the path of his run.  I have had horses run away with me before, so this wasn't a brand new experience... I knew to immediately get him running in circles so that I at least had control of his direction and could eventually circle him down to a controllable speed.  For the first time, this philosophy was not working for me and I knew that if I pulled his head too far out of position, I would put myself in more danger than allowing him to see where his feet were landing.  He was running straight.... right through the sage & badger holes toward the fence.  One thing is a certainty when something like this happens.  You can always ride them as fast as they want to run.  It's the other contributing factors such as the holes & fences that sometimes bring a little more excitement to the event.  I remained surprisingly calm and just continued to try to break him with my spur & control the direction of his head.  He was amazingly sure footed and missed every single badger hole in our path.  Luckily, he saw the fence and veered to the left.  We ran around the perimeter of the flat of the pasture at a break-neck speed for the longest 5 minutes of my life.  I almost laughed at myself as I thought in the moment, "Wow... this horse is athletic!"

Handy finally started to soften as we ran and I felt him start to break his body in response to my spur.  We circled for a few more moments and then he finally decided to be through.  As I approached Mike again at the drag of the herd and explained to him what had just happened, he said, "Oh.... I just thought you were goofing around!"  If only that were the case.

One of the other cowboys came back to see how things were going and as I shared what had just happened and how I wasn't sure exactly what I could have done differently to prevent it from happening, he expressed, and I paraphrase, "That's why I never start a colt in a hackamore.  You have no control if they decide to run away."  I saw some validity to his point and continued to ponder over it as we finished moving the herd and rode back to the trailer.  The more I recounted the previous moments in my mind, the more I thought of what COULD HAVE just happened and I started to shake.  I remained that way for hours, even though Handy was just fine and had no further issues.

Later that afternoon when Greg and I finally saw each other again and I had a moment to recount the events of the day, I asked him about his philosophy regarding the other cowboy's statement.  And before I convey the conclusion I drew by our conversation, I want to express that I know each individual who chooses to take the journey of horsemanship has his or her own way of making things work for them.  That is why there are so many different tools available for different types of horses.  However, while my conclusion may not be the answer for many, it is most certainly a path which seems to me to yield the most rewarding results.

After much thought and consideration, I came to the conclusion that no matter what tool you are using (even though some are more convincing than others), you are truly NEVER in control of any horse.  It is a relationship that requires immense trust and communication, and is a method of allowing the horse to use its agency to do what you ask.  The path of vaquero horsemanship is one which focuses on obtaining a relationship between horse & rider where the level of communication & trust becomes so subtle that the horse knows exactly what to do with the slightest of cues, where eventually for an elite few, the horse carries a bridle (traditionally a spade) and needs near to no engagement of the bit to perform the desired tasks.  To accomplish such a goal takes a great deal of time and tremendous finesse. 

As I continued to ponder the events of the day, I came to the final conclusion that our little mishap had not occurred because I was using the wrong tool.  Sure, perhaps a snaffle bit would have been a little more convincing.... but when you think of what the definition of snaffle is- to coerce by devious means- it seems to run directly contrary to that of the desired goal in vaquero horsemanship.  Our mishap had occurred because there was a hole in the communication & trust between Handy and me.  It was amazing how after it was over, HE didn't hold any grudges.  He stood there next to me still engaged and locked in.  He had freaked out for a few moments, but came back to me with a desire to move on.  Where we were to go from here was entirely dependent on me.  The question is not what I can do to fix the horse, but rather what I can do to fix me.  I want my horses to want to do what I ask... not just do it because I coerced them against their will.  If I have to have an experience like this once in a while to tell me that I have found a hole in our relationship and still have a few things to work out, I would prefer it over never truly knowing how deep our mutual trust lies. The tool of the hackamore to me is an expression to a horse, "You can run away from me in this, but I want you to know that I trust you to do as I ask.. "  I have found it to be extremely empowering to a young horse that finally understands that.  It is then, that all of the work becomes a sweet, sweet reward and further progress just snowballs into a myriad of successes. 

Agency truly is an incredible thing. It is one of the greatest gifts that our Father in Heaven has endowed upon each of us:

"Wherefore, men are free according to the flesh; and all things are given them which are expedient unto man. And they are free to choose liberty and eternal life, through the great Mediator of all men, or to choose captivity and death, according to the captivity and power of the devil; for he seeketh that all men might be miserable like unto himself." 2 Nephi 2:27

Just as a relationship with a horse becomes rewarding when we allow him to choose for himself to obey our commands or suggestions, so it is with us when we seek to exercise righteousness & obedience to our Father in Heaven.  As a parent, I often times find myself wanting to force my children to make good decisions.  It never seems to go over as well with either of them as when I try to help them decide for themselves what the correct choice would be in a certain situation, and then allowing them the freedom to exercise their agency and see what results come from their decision. 

I never cease to marvel at how living this lifestyle reminds me of such basic & important principles of the Gospel.  It is no wonder that our Father allows us the opportunity to have stewardship over his creations and to create & raise children in this life... because in doing so, we are able to get a glimpse of His love for us and the joy He must feel when we seek Him & desire to obey his commandments... and the sadness He must feel when we choose otherwise.  I appreciated this specific glimpse in my experience with Handy and hope that I can apply the things I've learned not only to become a better horsewoman, but a better mother, wife, friend.... and ultimately a better servant of my Father in Heaven.