As Many as I Love...

Often I have thought about a talk given by D. Todd Christofferson and it's very significant application to my life over the past year and up to the present.  It's title stems from verse 19 in the 3rd chapter of Revelations:

As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten: be zealous therefore, and repent.

In this talk Elder Christofferson explains the that our Father in Heaven is a Father who has very high expectations for His children.  Knowing that no unclean thing can exist in the presence of God, he knows what is required to make our transformation from imperfect, mortal beings to fulfilling His most divine purpose:  helping us, His children, to be able to experience ultimate joy, to be with Him eternally, and to become even as He is. 

"I would like to speak of one particular attitude and practice we need to adopt if we are to meet our Heavenly Father’s high expectations. It is this: willingly to accept and even seek correction. Correction is vital if we would conform our lives “unto a perfect man, [that is,] unto the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ” (Ephesians 4:13). Paul said of divine correction or chastening, “For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth” (Hebrews 12:6). Though it is often difficult to endure, truly we ought to rejoice that God considers us worth the time and trouble to correct."

One of the most significant illustrations given in this talk is the story of Hugh B. Brown, formerly a member of the Twelve and a counselor in the First Presidency.  He told of purchasing a rundown farm in Canada many years ago.  As he went about cleaning up and repairing his property, he came across a currant bush that had grown over six feet high and was yielding no berries, so he pruned it back drastically, leaving only small stumps.  Then he saw a drop like a tear on the top of each of these little stumps, as if the currant bush were crying, and thought he heard it say:

"How could you do this to me?  I was making such wonderful growth... And now you have cut me down.  Every plant in the garden will look down on me.  How could you do this to me?  I thought you were the gardener here."

President Brown replied, "Look, little currant bush, I am the gardener here, and I know what I want you to be.  I didn't intend you to be a fruit tree or a shade tree.  I want you to be a currant bush, and someday, little currant bush, when you are laden with fruit, you are going to say, 'Thank you, Mr. Gardener, for loving me enough to cut me down.'"   


Just as Jesus taught His people in parables, so was this story told for each of us to apply to our own lives according to the degree of our understanding.  Over the past year, I believe the Lord has been trying to help me understand my role in this purpose, and with great regret I see how I continually bowed my neck in the midst of my trials.  I knew it all along, and still, I remained hurt, angry, and felt extremely shaken in my faith in people rather than relying on The Atonement & it's healing powers and seeking to gain more charity within my heart.  As a result, my personal prayers have lacked sincerity and regularity.  My regular study of the scriptures had waned a great deal.  Last night, the story of the currant bush was recalled to my memory as the following events unfolded:

It had been a rather hot sabbath day, which compelled my family and me to stay indoors after we arrived home from our church meetings.  As the late afternoon caused the sweltering heat to begin to subside, Greg suggested that we go for a drive as a family.  He has been working on a project where he has begun training the cattle to eat weeds by spraying many of them with molasses.  This helps the cattle to be enticed to eat the weeds and eventually acquire the taste.  They then teach the rest of the herd to do the same.  There was a particular stand of thistle that Greg wanted to spray, so we made that the purpose of our Sunday drive.  After we had sprayed and taken pictures, Greg wanted to show me the ranch's reservoir as the kids and I had yet to see it.

It was a beautiful evening.  The sun was beginning to set, and the kids were having a riot learning how to skip rocks on the water.  I was completely content and felt so happy to be doing something so enjoyable with the 3 people I love the very most.  We watched the sun set for some time, and then decided to make our way home.  As Greg drove the truck away from the shore, all contentedness subsided as we sunk into a mud hole.  Greg is usually very good at getting a truck un-stuck, so I didn't worry at first.  However, after several attempts and seeing that each try was sinking the truck deeper and deeper, I started to feel the anxiety.  We were almost an hour from home and probably 20 miles from the nearest residence... literally the middle of nowhere.  The dirt road had not been traveled by anyone else during our drive.  We knew that if we did not succeed in digging ourselves out of this pit, we would certainly be there until the next day and have a very long walk to the nearest source of help.  I had forgotten to put the diaper bag in the truck and Matthew's diaper was so full that it had already begun to leak all over his pants.  I began thinking to myself, "Really?  A perfect evening.... and now this?"  About an hour of continued digging and failed attempts at freeing the vehicle, my little Dani said to me, "Mom, we just need to pray to Heavenly Father.  He will hear our prayer and help us."  I was eager to concur and we folded our arms & prayed as a family to our Father in Heaven asking for His guidance and help in this matter.  I felt so humble at that moment feeling as though I did not deserve to be heard and so completely feeling of my own nothingness and reliance on Him who has given me everything.  Dani then said, "There Mom, don't worry."  Oh, the perfect faith of a little child!!  About 10 minutes later, we saw headlights.  I immediately felt the tears welling up inside of me as the truck came down, and out of the heavy duty 4WD pickup stepped the game warden with his tow strap.

I then thought of my murmurings not long before and my many murmurings amidst my trials over the past several months, and quickly the words came to my mind, "I am the gardener here."  The faith of a little child had helped me to remember that.  A trial had helped me to remember that.  I felt such an enveloping sense of love from my Father in Heaven at that moment and knew of His mindfulness and concern for me and my family.  I immediately became so grateful that we had had this experience.  In a sense, I was grateful that the Lord had "cut me down", for loving me enough to make me go through my trials so that I could redirect my course and renew my determination to become more like Him and His Son.   I hope that I can become better at seeing these chastening experiences as expressions of love from Him from the onset and not just from hindsight.  For without the sorrow and bitterness, certainly we can never truly understand JOY.  And without being chastened and corrected, we will never ourselves grow to meet the high expectations He has set for his children.

"Though it is often difficult to endure, truly we ought to rejoice that God considers us worth the time and trouble to correct."